either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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