So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
