so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Randomize
