dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
