you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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