My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize