I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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