He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
