Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
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Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.