Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
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I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
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I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me