I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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