My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
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Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident