HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life