so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So squirting runs in the family.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?