No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
