We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
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Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
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He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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