my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
