I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
