just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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