I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize