its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
its liver damage thursday
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
