At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
