we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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