I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
