Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
