you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
