he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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