i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
