Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
