fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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