i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
