i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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