I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
