I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Farmville is her only friend.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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