Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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