tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
