youre lurking in front of me
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
