I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
