Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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