This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
