from now on my penis is your penis
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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