when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
