His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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