last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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