theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
