this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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