oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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