the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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