it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just puked most of my soul out..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
