I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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