Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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