hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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