She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
