I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
