Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
