then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If that was your dad, he is hot
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
