I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
