I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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