I faked an abortion last night.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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