I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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