sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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