Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
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My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
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Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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