So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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