so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
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You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
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Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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