oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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