i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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