He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
