So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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