my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
