So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
