She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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