Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize