I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
