thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor