I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo