I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I could make wine with my vomit
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
How many fucks given?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.