dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
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Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
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