So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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