I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
