I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
