i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
