so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he thought i was a dude.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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