I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
COCAINE IS GR8
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
