new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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